October 19, 2007 – 12 Days Into Our Journey
O God, I don’t know how my heart could possibly be more broken and hurting than it is right now. I must ask “Why?” I hope that isn’t wrong, or a lack of trust . . . I just hurt SO badly. My beloved Chad . . . O Lord, I could never have been happier. Why us?
How am I going to parent the children without him? Please give me wisdom.
Give us wisdom to release a press release, wisdom to put together a new concert, wisdom to minister for you. Father, please protect us . . . first the phone calls, then being followed, now today a note left on the door during the night – and with cops at the curb watching, no less! O Lord! I need your wisdom! Please, please speak to my spirit about this press release . . . An attorney friend says to just trust you and not get distracted. Yet, Lord, they took Chad the wrong way in the ambulance! Is it wrong to hold them accountable? Vengeance is mine, Sayeth the Lord . . . I just can’t believe this is my life. So lonely and painful right now.
Can you please just come back really soon?
I do thank you for all that is happening with the music . . . I sure would rather have my husband!!!! Please continue to perpetuate it. I just want my life to glorify you! Please show me, clearly, the way to follow you. May I still teach about marriage? O, Lord, his life is everywhere I look . . . how can he just be gone? How does my heart ever mend? Please bring me someone new someday . . . Chad and I had talked about that – he told me if he ever died to find someone new . . . he would want that. Please don’t leave me lonely forever. Please give me your words to minister both in interviews and the concert next week. I keep my eyes on you. I love you through my pain. Please tell Chad I love him! Amen!