October 25 and 28, 2007

October 25th, 2007

Ministry Note ~ I think Chad had a better grip on this concept of godly authority and subordination than most because of his position as a police officer.  We need to look into this idea that in our marriages and parenting – God gives us a measure of authority and if we don’t step up and take that authority we open a door for the enemy to sneak in and use that authority.  I can remember as a young officer he would get walked on a bit by his supervisors.  It used to make me so mad and I would ask him why he didn’t argue or fight back.  He just knew that you obey those in authority over you and you don’t even question.  What would happen if husbands took that God given authority to a new level spiritually over their wives and children?  Something to ponder.  

Lord, please continue to develop this in me . . . show me.  

Now, on to the personal . . . today I really question.  I just hurt so much and do not understand!  I had radio interviews yesterday and today and I can minister and keep it together, but there really is a public mourning and then a private one.  

O God, I almost feel betrayed by you!  First, my daddy left me when I was a kid and now this!  Why?  What on earth have I done to deserve all this pain?  ALL I’ve ever wanted is to serve and glorify you – that’s it!  Why must I endure all this pain?  And my babies?  Why them?  Please redeem this in a powerful way in their lives.  Continue to give me wisdom and the right words for them.

Please anoint me tomorrow night at my concert.  May my words be your words.  Please don’t let my anger come through.  I just don’t get it – why wouldn’t Chad have argued with you????  Doesn’t he want to be here with us?

Thank you for all the good (music stuff) – please don’t drop us now.  May I glorify you in word and in deed.  

Chad Michael!  I’m sure it is great where you are, but do you have any idea how much I hurt?  How much I miss you and want to call you?  How I yearn for your touch and your kiss?  Please reveal yourself to me – like the 111 CD’s, just kiss me from Heaven!  I know we’ll have eternity together, but right now that seems like an eternity away.
 I love you!


October 28th, 2007

Chad Michael – how can I breathe without you here?  O, my God!  My heart breaks . . . It has been three weeks today.  Life is beginning to reveal itself . . . the pain . . . agonizing.  My God, do I hurt!  Chad – where are you?  How can this be?  How can I live my life without you?  I know God is good . . . The concert Friday night went very well . . . everyone says that I ministered to them – offered them hope. I’m thankful.  But, I feel like I offered them hope and healing and mine has only just begun.  Oh Chad – do you have any idea how much I miss you? 

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